YOGA:Doing yoga requires minimal space, so you can usually do it in your room if you have enough floor space. Invest in a yoga mat, which you can get for less than $10 dollars. There are a ton of yoga workouts for weight loss, strength and relaxation ranging from beginner to advanced on YouTube if you do a quick search. A fun but intense workout is this Jillian Michael’s Yoga Meltdown video.
RUNNING: Whether you run around your neighborhood run on a track or even run up and down the stairs, it’s all cardio and it’s all good for you. Best of all, it’s always free (unless you like to use a treadmill). Invest in a solid pair of workout shoes, stretch well and you’re good to go. There are a lot of running clubs which are usually free to join. You could even start your own club with your friends for some extra motivation.
ROPE SKIPPING: Dig out that skipping rope you had as a kid because it’ll come in handy for your workout routine. Skipping is a great way to warm up at the start of a workout or to add some extra cardio to what you’re doing and it has huge benefits when it comes to toning and strength. 10 minutes of skipping can have the same health benefits as a 45 minute run!
BODY WEIGHT WORKOUT:You don’t always need a weight room for an effective workout, using your body’s own weight can be just as good. TIP: If you’re unsure about the correct form for an exercise (VERY important) you can find instructional videos on YouTube by searching the name of the exercise. This image shows a pretty awesome workout for this.
ZUMBA: You need a bit of space to do this, but if you like music and dancing then this is the perfect workout for you. Most gyms have daily Zumba classes with an instructor but if you’re on a budget or would rather go solo then the ever handyYouTubehas a lot of Zumba workouts you can follow. Here’s a great 25 minute Zumba routine that’s fun and easy to follow.
WORKOUT APPS: A great way to workout in your own time at home is to have an app on your phone that gives you quick workout ideas or helps to enhance your workout experience. Here are 3freeapps we like and will be very helpful:
Hot 5: This app has a load of 5 minute workout videos that are user friendly and fun to do. You can find videos for a variety of exercises and levels of difficulty. A great way to add to your existing workout regimen or plan a new one plus it’s free, so there’s no excuse not to download it.
Nike Training Club: With over 100 full body workouts which are compiled by world class athletes and Nike Trainers, you can workout with this app alone. There are a variety of exercises to choose from, as well as length, intensity and difficulty levels. Plenty of instruction and audio guidance for motivation, this free app is a must have.
RunKeeper: If you’re a runner, RunKeeper will track your runs, walks or bike rides with the GPS on your phone. It gives you detailed stats on your workout and you can see your progress over time. If you’re not the owner of an activity tracker or GPS watch then this app is an essential for you.
IF YOU SAID NO, YOU BETTER SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN ANYWAY, BECAUSE DIETARY RESTRICTIONS DON’T MEAN SHIT WHEN YOU WANT TO PUT DELICIOUS SUBSTANCES IN YOUR FACE!
WE’RE GOING TO MAKE SOME GLORIOUS COCONUT RICE!
SHIT, THIS BULLSHIT IS SO GOOD I HAD TO SCRUB MY GREY MATTER WITH STEEL WOOL, BECAUSE I WITNESSED AN OLDER COUPLE EXPERIENCING ORGASM AFTER INGESTING IT!
I’LL BE DOING THIS THE STOVETOP WAY, BUT IF YOU CLASSY MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE A RICE COOKER, YOU CAN THROW IT IN THERE AND JUST HIT ‘COOK’
YOU BETTER GET SOME PERSONAL TRAINERS READY, BECAUSE YOU’LL NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRIPLE-BACK-HANDSPRING INTO A FULL SPLITS IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO HARNESS THE PURE MAJESTY OF 1 AND ½ CUPS UNCOOKED JASMINE RICE!
PLAIN WHITE RICE WORKS FINE. BROWN RICE IS NOT FINE!
GRAB A 14oz CAN OF COCONUT MILK - OR MAYBE JUST LASSO A COCONUT AND MILK ITS DEADLY FANGS FOR THE JUICE YOU REQUIRE FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL DISH!
PUNCH A LAKE UNTIL IT GIVES YOU 1 AND ¼ CUPS OF THE PUREST AND MOST SANITARY WATER IT POSSESSES!
DON’T HAVE YOUR OWN SUGAR CANE FIELDS TO PILLAGE FOR 1 TABLESPOON OF SUGAR? NEITHER DO I! YOU STILL NEED IT, THOUGH!
THROW ALL THIS BULLSHIT INTO A POT (OR RICE COOKER) AND CRANK THAT FUCKING HEAT UP UNTIL YOU SEE IT BOILING! FEELS GOOD, DOESN’T IT? WATCHING SOMETHING EXPERIENCE THE SAME EMOTIONAL PAIN AS YOU DID, WATCHING A CERTAIN ASSHOLE TORTURE HEAVEN’S MOST ADORABLE ANGEL!
THIS ASSHOLE IS A VIOLATE MOTHERFUCKER, SO WHEN YOU SEE IT LEAPING AROUND IN A GOOD BOIL, THEN YOU NEED TO TURN THAT HEAT BACK THE FUCK DOWN. SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT, MAN! COVER THE POT AND LET IT SIT THERE ON LOW HEAT FOR 15 - 20 MINUTES, UNTIL THE RICE IS TENDER.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S TENDER?
YOU TAKE SOME OUT OF THE POT AND PUT IT IN YOUR IDIOT MOUTH, THAT’S HOW!
ONCE IT’S REACHED THAT POINT, STIR IT UP AND TAKE IT OFF THE HEAT, BECAUSE THAT BEAUTIFUL BABY IS DONE!
CONGRATS, ASSHOLE, YOU JUST MADE SOME COCONUT RICE!
WHAT CAN YOU USE IT FOR?
EAT IT, MOTHERFUCKER!
SIDE DISH FOR FUCKING ANYTHING, RICE IS BADASS LIKE THAT!
LEAVE IT IN THE FRIDGE AND SERVE WITH FRESHLY SLICED FRUIT, THAT’S CLASSY SHIT!